It is cold and Charlie Brooker despises me.or"Why has this rubbish aspirational ornament got only one mouse button?"

Point One: It is cold. If you don't believe me then just look at the picture. (The Loch Ness Monster is just for scale.) Moreover, I live up a big hill, so that in the words of our charming neighbours the house is "above the snowline we call it the snowline don't we it's more like the highlands than Yorkshire." So it's colder than everywhere else, though maybe Edinburgh folk can disagree.

Before getting to points two and three, a challenge: look carefully at the photo. At the back you can see the aforementioned neighbours' interesting shed, a marvellous concoction which stays in one piece despite being made entirely of roofing felt. However, slightly closer you can see another outhouse. What do you think it is? Remember that I live in the north of England and appeal to your knowledge of cliche, but don't mention whippets.

Point Two: I have a pretty new computer! It's a Mac laptop thingy, and it's lovely. If you don't believe me then just look at the picture. It does more or less everything I could want, especially by allowing me to blog! Also it lets me bluetooth pictures from my phone, hence the poor quality of this post's illustrations. It is so much fun.

Point Three: Charlie Brooker, of whom regular readers will know that I am not a small fan, hates Macs and the people who own them. If you don't believe me then just follow the link. I like to think that this is entirely to do with the questionable adverts featuring Mitchell and Webb, but maybe he really does hate me. Never mind though: the aforementioned ornament will mean an increase in (no-longer-non-seriousness-shame-inhibited) blogging, which can only mean more fun for you, my readers. Aw.